The only Q that matters... GOD Q...

For the past several months I have been immersed in an intense leadership development program hosted by my employer. I have been introduced to topics I have never heard about. One of the most interesting topics I have studied thus far is Emotional Intelligence(EQ). In essence emotional intelligence means having a clear understanding of our emotions, not to mention the emotions of others, and an understanding of how our emotions influence our lives. To truly improve our emotional intelligence (EQ) there are four intelligence skills one needs to understand and take action.  One of those skills is self awareness.

Since I have been in the pursuit to live a life, where to live is  to worship and to worship is to live, I have used some of these secular nuggets to become aware of my soul, spirit and journey with the LORD.
 
Is it possible that many of us live unaware of the errors inside of us? Do we realize how many of our actions are manipulated by our desire to be accepted by others? Are we aware of fears that influence our decisions? The truth is most of us are ignorant of how we appear outwardly to others.  How much more are we unaware of how we are inwardly towards the Lord.

The good news is those who are IN HIM have the Holy Spirit and the Word to bring awareness of the hidden foes. The scriptures tell us the heart is more deceitful than all else. The Psalmist said,

Who can discern his lapses and errors? Clear me from hidden [and unconscious] faults. Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then shall I be blameless, and I shall be innocent and clear of great transgression. Psalm 19;12-13

As humans we barely know the world around us how much more do we know our own soul. What's the remedy?  Search after God's heart as we do we will be searching our own. As we find Him we discover who we are in Him.  As we pursue the Lord we can repeat the words of King David:

Search me thoroughly, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

  
What can be more important than seeking God? Join me in taking a day, a month and run after Him once you find HIM don't let him go.

The MASK MY ENEMY... GRIEF MY IDOL

As a Pastors wife I found myself trying to be who I thought everyone wanted me to be. The more I tried the more epic the fail was. Consequently, I fell into a depression that without God's divine intervention I would have landed in a mental institution. The criticism, isolation, superficial relationships got so overwhelming I found myself sick in body, soul and spirit. Some where along the journey I had placed a mask on, in an attempt to hide the pain. Unbeknownst to me, this MASK which was intended to protect me became my worse enemy. Grief became my idol and I ceased to allow the Presence of God to direct every aspect of my life. Suddenly, I found myself having mental conversations that sounded like this:

• Why should I pray for those people? They don't care about me or my family?
• Why doesn't anyone ever ask me, How are you?
• Why doesn't so and so, pick up the phone and call me?
• I deserve to have (fill in the blank)
• Why can't I just say what I want like everyone else? 
• I am done, why should I sacrifice my time and energy for people who don't care.

 The MASK led me to bondage! Then without warning a woman I had never seen, nor heard started to surface. The woman whose greatest joy was praying for souls, cooking meals, supporting her husband, loving her church, was gone. 

Unexpectedly, like Ebenezer Scrooge I was visited by the "ghost of Christmas past" standing in front of the mirror I looked at myself and said, "Lord, who is that?" I was lost, confused, tired and broken. Dreadfully afraid and absolutely desperate I uttered the dangerous prayer, "Lord, you alone can un-Mask  the ME in me."

By God's grace I started to undergo a divine radical cosmetic  surgery. I began to experience Jesus from a holistic perspective. Every area of my life began to be invaded with the Holy Spirit's resurrecting power.  It is what the Bible calls dying to the old self; with Him, through Him and for Him. 

One thing is certain this is a lifetime journey. Jesus desires for us to be healed, He knows we all have broken relationships and are broken within ourselves. The key to this healing is being filled with the Holy Spirit and seeking to dwell in His Presence. 

We God's creatures have an overwhelming need to be unmasked, the real (ME) is deeply buried in layers of self that can only be resurrected by the hand of the Almighty. I found freedom in the realization that my identity is in God alone and no longer seeking it in a role (pastor wife, professional career,etc).

Un-Masked by Jesus, I find myself willing to chose joy, mercy, peace and above all love for God and love for others.

from the table... TO HIS TABLE

One of my greatest pleasures in life is cooking a meal in my little kitchen and seeing my family and friends enjoy. I remember as a little girl spending time in my grandmother's kitchen learning to make rice and beans. Of course there was no food network back then and my Abuelita (grandmother) didn't measure a thing. She would say "you put a little of this and a little of that and a whole lot of love into it." It was there at her table I learned what it meant to be hospitable and generous. We would eat to sound of beautiful ballads playing in the background as she told me the stories of yesteryear. 

Not only was my grandmother's kitchen a place of love so was my mother's. I am convinced that on the great day of the Lord my  mother will fully come to understand how many lives were touched by her love meals. Many times I asked myself why did she make so much food, there were only four of us in the house. Looking back she would make enough for anyone who would "happen to stop by." It was and still is her language of love. 

 Much of my life formation was done around a table. When I started dating my husband I was invited to their home for lunch after church. It was there, a very different type of meal was offered. Yes, there was food but I learned much about the scriptures, the move of the Spirit of God, to love and serve God with all my being. Their table though designed to satisfy natural hunger truly satisfied my spiritual need. 

What do these two tables have in common? Fast forward twenty years,  I looked in my kitchen as I was preparing our Thanksgiving meal and felt lead to set a different table for my guests. I decided we would first  partake of the table of the LORD. There we gathered in family to experience the sacred communal reality of communion. 

Just as my grandmother,mother and mother in-law demonstrated their hospitality at the table, so we came to the table of the Lord to bear witness as one family, of the radical hospitality of Jesus. During this act of worship, our attention was focused on HIM who was present in our midst as we gave Him thanks. As we partook I realized we were renacting an ancient play that will be seen once again in the marriage supper of the Lamb. 

As we celebrate the Christmas season there will be many beautiful tables set but none more loving and life changing then the table of the LORD.


Peace,
Jeannette

WHEN THE KINGDOM INVADES MY STINKING THINKING

There is a running joke in my family that I have a crush on theologian NT Wright. Anytime we are in a conversation and a certain truth is mentioned I interject and say "NT Wright says"...It causes quite a stir, eyes start rolling and the laughing begins. All joking aside I don't have a crush on NT Wright but it wasn't until I heard NT lecture on the book of Romans that my understanding of the message of the Kingdom of God started to invade my stinking thinking. 

Let me explain, as he expounded on the scriptures, I had read over and over again, it was like dots being connected and suddenly I started to see the totality of the message of the Kingdom of God.  My spirit leaped within me and when I heard statements like  "the new age had broken into the midst of this present age" and "we are called to be truly human after the model of the Messiah",it was as if I was born again, again. 

The Kingdom message has radically reordered how I see myself, unbelievers, the body of Christ and specifically all that God has done in and through Jesus Christ. I have laughed, cried and mourned as my life is being challenged with the most extraordinary message in the world.

I recently had a conversation with a friend on the topics of forgiveness, restoration, God's judgement and justices. As I sat and listened statements like these were said:

• I will forgive but won't forget.
• I believe in reconciliation but not necessarily the need for restoration.
• I am not the judge and God will judge those who have hurt me.

 I found myself agreeing with each of these statements. After all, I had said and heard them throughout the years.  
Hours after the conversation Kingdom thoughts started to invade my "stinking thinking".  "What if God's judgement is executed by an outpouring of love? Jeannette, will you be happy? What if justice comes in the way of blessing? What if Kingdom reconciliation is only seen in restoration? What if true forgiveness means covering over an offense as if it has never happened? 

Suddenly, I remembered the story of Jonah he went to preach reconciliation to Nineveh, they repented and God restored them. Then the Bible says, it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he became angry. What? The man of God brings the word of reconciliation and it angers him to see God's justice. God, challenged Jonah's stinking thinking. You can read it here;http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jonah+4%3A1-11&version=NIV
   
You may be saying this is Bible 101. Perhaps it is but honestly ask yourself have you wrestled with these kinds of questions? If God is creator and judge of all and we are His people, are we not to reflect his true character. Is HE not calling us to live in the  present as it will be when the Kingdom is fully restored? I believe He is and as we allow the Kingdom to burst into our lives, families and communities of faith we are proclaiming the story of our God.

Peace,
Jeannette
 

IN THE MIDST OF "DELUSIONAL" MEN

Years ago there was a young man in our fellowship that decided he was going to venture out and start his own business. Throughout his being a part of our community my husband had encouraged and supported this man in his endeavors. In spite of the fact that others considered him socially awkward my husband saw a man in need of affirmation and fellowship. One day this man came to our home offering his professional services and after some consideration we had to decline. The moment my husband let him know we were not interested his demeanor changed. Obviously offended he decided he was going to tell my husband what he really thought of our community and his pastor. Sitting in our living room he looked straight at my husband and said, "When are you going to realize you are delusional?"  He went on to question the call of God, in my husbands life, and "exhorted" him to give up.

Why did this man think my husband was delusional? Was it because our community was not in the hundreds or thousands? Could it be my husband did not fit a certain mold for today's pastor or leader? Was it that my husband never managed a successful business or served as an executive in a fortune 500 company? It was obvious his words, spoken from hurt and rejection, were meant to humiliate.

Since the month of October is pastor appreciation month I thought I would give a big shout out to all the men and women who have been told they are "delusional" for following the call of God. 

Just this past week I was in Kalamazoo attending a conference with pastors from around the country. During one of the breakout sessions I heard the stories of men and women who have given their lives to serve God and others. As these servant-leaders shared their stories, with authenticity and transparency, tears starting streaming down my face. But, why was I crying? In each story there was a common denominator that spoke to a deep place within my spirit. What touched me were the hearts of shepherds who are willing to give anything and everything to answer the call of God.

Story after story I heard the familiar burden of true shepherds. These are the unknown soldiers, serving in the trenches, who cannot abandon the call to serve. Many of these men ,according to western church thinking, fall into the category of delusional, unsuccessful, ill-equipped and failures. But I would suggest the following:

• These are the men who have prayed and pleaded, before God's throne, for our families. Would any person selflessly do this?
• These are the men who study God's Word so, above all else, our souls prosper. Is that not worth more than gold? 
• These are the men, with the eyes of a shepherd, who see us wandering before we realize we have strayed. Are not their words of counsel and wisdom worth paying attention too? 
• These are the men who in spite of adversity, disappointment and hardship endure to the end. Shouldn't we encourage and support them along the way?
• These are the men who give of their own limited funds to help you pay your bills when your in need. Did you know that?
• These are the men that rejoice with you when your child is born, you get a job promotion and your children marry. Ask yourself, when was the last time you rejoiced for your pastor?
• These are the men who will admit they are far from perfect and, at times, will make imperfect decisions. Are they not worthy of our mercy and patience? 
• These are the men that, when the phone rings at 5:30 am, are willing to get out of bed and meet with you as well as minister to your need. Would we do the same?
• These are the men that, when they are on vacation, will always answer your distressing phone call and never let it go to voice mail. Are we on call 24-7?

• These are the men that sacrifice their lives, and family needs, for a salary that rarely covers their living expenses. Would we do the same?

NO ROOM FOR HORSES AND CHARIOTS

When we read the psalms we find over and over again: don't trust in horses, don't trust in chariots, put your trust in the Lord. The simplicity of the statement, "put your trust in the Lord", yet so complex to walk out in our every circumstance.

For the past several months I have been combing through the pages of the book of Isaiah and learning a great deal about God's desire for us to TRUST HIM and HIM alone.  If you have ever said to yourself I want to read the entire Bible and never have been able to do so, I recommend you read the book of Isaiah. This great book is literally the whole Bible in miniature form.(plug for the prophet Isaiah)

If like Israel we find ourselves struggling to survive in the midst of adversity. We make plans and alliances with others greater than ourselves in order to achieve some type of success or victory. We run frantically attempting to hold all the pieces of this crumbling world system together until we realize, we can't do it. We are not designed to be independent from the ALMIGHTY. Nor are we designed to "falter between two opinions" (1Kings 18:1)

 First and foremost, we are God's people and His message has always been, FEAR NOT I AM WITH YOU. Panic, anxiety, fear, vindication are not the Kingdom way. The scripture tells us quietness and confidence in HIM shall be our strength. When we find ourselves up against the wall with the forces of evil pressing hard all around us, when you know that you know, disaster is coming at the speed of a bullet, quietness and confidence in GOD shall be our strength. 

I think any of us who have walked with the Lord would confess one time or another we have panicked and gone around desperately seeking help anywhere and everywhere. When we took the time to quiet down and seek the Lord we found that in quietness and confidence in HIM there is peace and strength.

The WORD of God is the greatest reminder that HE is with us: 
 
 Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! Isaiah 30:18 

Though a host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. Psalm 27:3

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness Isaiah 41:10
 
As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him. 2 Samuel 22:30  


SHALOM, Jeannette

Holy, Holy, Holy......

When I was in my early twenties and began my search for truth and peace I lived several blocks away from Harvard University. The area was a hub for humanistic thinkers and a breeding ground to indulge in eastern philosophies, from restaurants to reading rooms, all doors led to “god’s love”.

For someone who was broken, depressed and desperately longing for love and peace it was like walking into a maze hoping to find the right path.  I remember someone recommending the Course of Miracles, they said this should help me find what I needed, forgiveness which would lead to love. The book was designed to help me achieve spiritual formation.

 One night my roommate invited me to go meditate with a group who promised we would feel love and peace like never before.  There we sat legs crossed eyes closed in front of some god chanting ohms for an hour. Needless to say I walked out the same way I walked in, empty, depressed and desperate. No love, no peace, no forgiveness.Why?

What I didn’t know was I couldn’t find or understand the true love of God until I had a divine encounter with the holiness of God.  Today, many false voices claim the love of god but only biblical truth declares a HOLY GOD.

The book of Isaiah tells us that the Prophet saw the King, the Lord of Host, and his kingdom, the King was on a throne and the train of His robes filled the temple. He saw the power of God and he saw the glory of God. He saw the angelic beings worshiping Him saying, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty…”

What was Isaiah’s response:

           

Isaiah 6:5

Then I said,

“Woe is me, for I am ruined!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I live among a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.

What struck me about this passage and I would be bold enough to say struck Isaiah was that he saw that God was holy.  We all have heard so many teachings on the love of God but so few about the holiness of God.  I suggest that if we really meet GOD the first thing we will notice is He is a Holy God, unlike any other.  Can we truly understand the love of God without seeing his holiness?

 

What would you say is the most fundamental character of God? My answer, God’s holiness because the WORD tells us so.  When we see this Holy God our first reaction isn’t to run to Him, but run from Him.  We cry just like Isaiah and many others did, “Woe is me, for I am undone!” Without an understanding of His Holiness how can we realize we need to be cleansed.

 I was searching for peace and love when I truly needed a revelation of the Holiness of God in my life.  If I had not encountered His Holiness I would have never experienced His love.

There is a divine order that starts with the realization that God is Holy. We cannot love God until we have seen Him as Holy.

This is the pattern of worship in the throne room "Holy,  holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,' who was, and is, and is to come."

Let His Holiness do the cleansing so that Love can do the restoring.